Clear to take off

I went in for my seven week visit with Dr. McVicker today. The x-ray looks good, and healing is proceeding as expected. Spasms have decreased substantially over the last several days, and I will be allowed to begin weaning from the brace. Over the next several weeks, I will be able to gradually increase activity from stretching to strengthening. I will be able to get in the swimming pool (gently) do easy lifting and rowing, push-ups, etc., all of which sound very appealing after 7 weeks of near inactivity. Most importantly, I will be allowed to travel to China on Wednesday morning, and lifting/carrying restrictions have been loosened enough that I will be able to hold my boy next Monday. I guess that's what everybody wanted to know, so having said that, I'm going to bed. We'll post again when we get to China-check back in a couple of days.

Six weeks and change

Well, six weeks have passed. I have felt improvement in the pain overall, however the spasms continue to be fairly strong and frequent. I am still wearing the brace, but am hopeful that within the next few days I will be able to begin to wean out of it. So far the physical therapy I have been allowed has focused on core strengthening, which I know is important, but not particularly gratifying in a tangible rehabilatative sense. I have returned in large part to the pre-accident routine at work, but am getting a ride to and from the office with Eric most days.

The big change is on the way in another 10 days. On October 31, Rebekah and I leave for Beijing to pick up our son David. The emotions have run the gamut, but we are very excited to meet him and bring him home. The trip will last 17 days, beginning in Beijing, then to Nanjing where we will actually pick him up and go through the adoption process, then finishing at the US Consulate in Guangzho and returning to the States via Hong Kong. Although we were not able to upgrade our seats, we were able to get a full row on the way there, and 3 of the 4 seats in another row on the way back. That (combined with some Ambien) should make the trip a little easier on my back. Hopefully by then the back brace will be off, which should make the flight (not to mention airport security) a lot easier. We will continue to use this site to keep all of you posted on the details of the trip as they transpire, and we should be able to post some pictures as well. Thanks for all of your prayers and support in getting us this far, we are thankful that they will continue throughout our journey as well.

A full month of healing and learning

Hard to believe that yesterday was four weeks since the accident. In some ways it feels like so much longer, yet these weeks have in so many ways been but a blur. Last week I had an appointment with Dr. McVicker, the neurosurgeon who operated on me. In many ways, it was a predictable vist. My body continues to heal well, I need to be careful not to overdo it, etc. I think I was a little bit disappointed that somehow I wasn't some sort of superman, that I didn't walk in to a doctor that said "I can't believe how fast you've healed, go forth with the rest of your life!" Not that I expected it, but I've been tired, and am so anxious for wellness and to return to life as I knew it before the accident. I expressed my frustrations with some of the restrictions and the effects of the medications, and he graciously reminded me that I did break my back and have a very major surgery several weeks ago. He also encouraged me to take the medications in a slightly different manner that would prevent some of the grogginess that I had felt with them previously. The latter suggestion has been helpful in that it has allowed me to have less pain, but more importantly, far more (and better) sleep, which helps my outlook immensely.

A good friend called me the day after the appointment and asked if there was anything he could do to help. I politely declined, but then talked to him about how difficult it can be for me to take help at all. I have always thought of myself as someone who was able to take care of things myself, and didn't want to "inconvenience" others with my responsibilities.

"Be careful denying other people their blessings," he said.

Lying in bed and unable to sleep, I had several hours to think about the conversation. What is he talking about denying blessings? I'm trying to make sure that others don't have to carry my burden. I don't want to inconvenience him. It's not his responsibility to blow out my sprinklers or sweep my garage. Several nights I have lay in bed, unable to sleep because I had to go to the bathroom, but in my pride and stubborness, unwilling to ask my wife for help putting on my brace so that I could get out of bed. 'I just want her to be able to rest' I thought. But that wasn't it. I didn't want to have to ask for help. I didn't want to inconvenience her. Or burden her with "my things."

I'm being independent. The opposite of independence is not a positive thing. It's dependency, or codependence, or laziness, the list goes on and on. And suddenly my friend's response, the delivery of which had been simple and kind, hit me squarely between the eyes and hard. The opposite of independence isn't necessarily any of the above. The opposite of independence isn't even necessarily negative. For me, the opposite of independence needed to be humility. Independence for me had become synonymous with arrogance and pride. Not in a way that looked cocky, but in a way that made me believe I was completely self sufficient, like I could do anything and didn't need help. And maybe that's true sometimes. But what my friend had said was still resonating. See, he is someone that I believe has the gift of giving. He thrives on helping others, on sharing with others. And to deny him the opportunity to help me in my time of need denied him the opportunity to use his gift. It also created a barrier in our relationship. If I won't let my wife serve me in my time of need, I am implicitly stating that I don't need her.

I think that all of us are wired with a desire to help others. I know how good it feels to me to be able to do something for someone, even if they could have done it themself. I also know the closeness I feel to others when I have been able to help them.

Wouldn't it be cool if we didn't have to go through things like broken backs to pay enough attention to learn these lessons in life?